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[vc_row][vc_column][ultimate_ctation ctaction_background=”#F7E99F” ctaction_background_hover=”#F7E99F”]It’s a good idea to talk early on about the power of thoughts to support kids mental health. Thoughts can be either a powerful tool or a painful weapon against ourselves.[/ultimate_ctation][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Kids (and adults) are often given advice like, “think positive” or “don’t get yourself upset,” but advice like this falls flat without an open discussion about the true power of our thoughts.
So here are a few conversation starters to tackle the topic of thought with kids.
1. What is a thought and where does it come from?
Allow kids to respond in their own words first. Discuss their meaning of a thought with them. You can follow up with the notion that thoughts are simply ideas. Sometimes thoughts can pop into our minds at random based on what we see, hear, or experience. Other times, we may ponder something more carefully and arrive at a thought.
2. How do thoughts influence feelings? Give an example.
Encourage kids to take time to explore the question and answer in their own words. As you address their views, explain that thoughts assign meaning to our experiences which tells us how to feel. For example, say you experience a friend hanging up on you during a phone call. This experience by itself is just that—an ended phone call. But you start to think about it, and your thoughts could go in several directions. You might think, “I wonder if they’re okay. That was strange for them to hang up.” Or you could think, “I wonder if they are mad at me. It seemed they didn’t want to talk to me anymore.” Both of these are just thoughts made up in your mind, but both lead to certain feelings. The first thought about your friend being okay could make you feel worried and scared. The second thought could make you feel insecure. In reality, your friend’s phone could have just run out of battery, but your thoughts about what happened led to negative feelings. Have your child share their own example of a time their thoughts influenced their feelings.
3. How do thoughts influence behavior? Give an example.
Ask kids to consider their response to the previous question when answering this one. As you explore their answer with them, point out how the feelings caused by our thoughts can inspire us to take certain actions. For example, if we believed our second thought in the example above about our friend being mad at us, our feelings of insecurity could lead to us avoiding our friend. Maybe the friend calls back after their phone is charged and we ignore it. That is our thoughts influencing our behavior. Encourage your child to share an example of a time their thoughts influenced their behavior.
4. What is the danger of holding onto a thought for too long?
Let kids share their answers to this question first. Then explain that letting a thought repeat continuously is known as a thinking loop or ruminating. This occurs when too much attention is given to a thought. The more time we spend thinking about something, the harder it becomes to redirect our attention. This makes it hard to focus on the present and leads to stress and anxiety from feeling out of control of our thoughts. Since thoughts are not our reality but an interpretation of it, we need to figure out what real experience caused a thought to switch our focus from a thinking loop back to what is actually happening in front of us. Note: Frequent thinking loops could be a sign of a condition that needs more attention, such as OCD, and may require professional assistance.
So what is the lesson here? Thoughts are just that—thoughts. They can pop in and out of our minds, but our minds may attach stories to them that influence our feelings and behavior. When it comes to kids mental health, teach children to control their thoughts instead of the other way around.
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